Tower: "Delta  351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6  miles!"

Delta 351: "Give  us another hint! We have digital watches!"

**

Tower: "TWA  2341, for noise abatement turn right 45  Degrees."

TWA  2341: "Centre,  we are at 35,000 feet.. How much noise can we make up  here?"
Tower: "Sir,  have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it  hits a 727?"

**

A  student became lost during a solo cross-country  flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on  radar, ATC asked, "What  was your last known  position?"
Student: "When  I was number one for takeoff."

**

Tower: "Eastern  702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on  frequency 124.7"
Eastern  702: "Tower,  Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after  we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the  far end of the  runway."
Tower:  "Continental  635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact  Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that  report from Eastern  702?"
Continental  635: "Continental  635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

**

One  day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the  tower to hold short of the active runway while a  DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned  around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some  quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the  radio and said, "What  a cute little plane. Did you make it all by  yourself?"
The  Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by,  came back with a real zinger: "I  made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like  yours and I'll have enough parts for another  one."

**

While  taxiing at London 's Airport,  the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft.  Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose  with a United 727..
 An  irate female ground controller lashed out at the US  Air crew, screaming: "US  Air 2771, where are you going? I told you  to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right  on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult  for you to tell the difference between C and D, but  get it right!"
Continuing  her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now  shouting hysterically: "Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever  to sort this out! You stay right there and don't  move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive  taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want  you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,  and how I tell you! You got that, US Air  2771?"

"Yes, ma'am,"  the  humbled crew responded.

Naturally,  the ground control communications frequency fell  terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air  2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate  ground controller in her current state of mind.  Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was  definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot  broke the silence and keyed his microphone,  asking:

"Wasn't  I married to you  once?"